Sunday, 31 July 2011

The Art of concentrating on the Awesome as opposed to the Awful

I want to say firstly an enormous and loud thank you to all you who commented on my blog and offered me such support. at a time when I really need it. I am by nature a very private person naturally averse to exposoing my linen, dirty or otherwise, for public inspection I needed to let out some of my confusion and hurt . I had to say out loud what had happenned in order to make it real I had had enough of keeping things hidden, of lies little and big ones and of making excuses. It took a great deal of courage to put on paper what had happenned,, I felt I would be judged as a poor wife because my husband had left, me for someone else so it came as a shock to find instead total strangers were there to hold my hand when I most needed it. That was indeed awesome.

It has been a hard week for all of us, a young friend with small kids has been diagnosed as Bipolar to say she isnt coping with her life and motherhood is too inadequite a phrase, her house her yard the kids and the numerous animals are uncared for and undernourished, She is faling apart and tearing her family apart with her. We have all been trying to keep her small family safe and afloat a task that is tricky and exhasuitng but when the person who is suffering won't admit or recognise they have a problem there is little else you can do but apply a bandaid as a temporay measure and pray help is on its way. The good news is she is now getting help has recognised her problem and is making efforts to deal with it. It will take time and al our support to get her through this with minimal damage.

Sometimes no matter how caring you are you need to step back before other peoples problems engulfed you, you need to take time to breathe and concentrate on yourself and your family. So yesterday we went to the beach with some friends for some badly needed timeout and the day was Awesome, youngest collected oysters and mussels growing wildon the rocks and we cooked them on the beach barbacue, we swam and slept in the sun and drank in the beauty of nature and revelled in the incredible luck we had to be there with peole who loved us and whom we loved. On the way home stopped at a dairy farm for milkshakes and icecream all made at the farm with thier own milk. At home we adults sat in the failing light and drank wine and talked about projects for the future and what we wanted to do next day.

Over the years I have spent hours searching in books and on the internet for some explanation and help as to why my efforts to make our life happy did nto seem to be working, It wasnt until the last year as his black moods became blacker and longer that I realised , with the help of my Doctor that he was a depressive and that no matter how much I tried nothing I eve did would be good enough. To quote my GP and a psychologist somethng in his head had gone click. I persuaded him to go to see our Doctor, he took his medication for a few days then stopped, he wasnt sick he said he was depressed he was unhappy, I wasnt attractive he didint love me anymore no there was no one else all the usual clap trap al the usual lies and petty betrayals.

Anyway when in the end he left after I decided the children and I couldnt carry on living on a knife edge anymore and here I am alone with my kids and there he is not alone with his new love and life goes on. One of the sites I fell upon by chance during my desperate travels through the internet in search of help was the Ted Talks . It was a serendiptic happenstance that I will always be grateful for and the talks on there are often enlightening often helpful often funny. The one that has perhaps helped me the most and resonated in baby steps of my new life as a single mother and soon to be divorcee is this one.... .

read it and see if any of it resounds with you and let me know. And if it does pass the message around to anyone who isnt too wrapped up in thier own lives and remind them Life is Awesome, live it.


Frances said...

You are a truly remarkable woman! There is so much wisdom in this post of yours. I know of many folks for whom this summer has been a tough, tough season.

It's very good to recognize that other seasons can be quite different and to enourage the positive in ourselves and others. I think you already know that I will always be in your corner! xo

Fennie said...

We are all here for you - you the creator of Loic and others - the lover of camels - the espouser and exposer of Art. How could we not offer not just sympathy, but love too? You are not alone. And if you ask me for two-penn'orth of wisdom I would say don't feel guilty or inadequate. Life shouldn't be about trying to please others; it should be about being honest to yourself.

We are all ships sailing our courses on a wide ocean. Sometimes and for certain periods we find another ship wanting to sail alongside us. We may even make compromises. But we are never roped together, or shouldn't be. And one ship's course is no better or worse than another's. So no feeling guilty. There is now space beside you for another ship perhaps, or to plough a course truer to your own instincts. However hard it may be, just get back up on your camel, proud and haughty and invulnerable as ever. Life is theatre and by acting you become the part. The curtain has only closed on one Act.

(OK easier to say than to do. But only by a little. And worse things really do happen at sea or in Somalia or in Breton regiments at Verdun! Stuff happens - you can't control it. But to a large extent you can control your emotions and how you are going to respond. Courage, mon amie!).

Pondside said...

Ted Talks - yes, they're wonderful! My son put me on to them last year and I'm a devotee now.
The view from over here, across an ocean and a continent, is of a woman who is doing WAY better than coping.
In December, how about us having a bonfire and burning 2011?

Elizabethd said...

Well, every time we manage to snatch a morning for 'me time' and a coffee, I marvel at how brilliantly you are doing, and I dont mean just on the surface.

bayou said...

So glad to see those brillant comments of your fellows. And especially ElizabethD's :-).
One must take time for oneself to get it all in and to find new sound grounds. You will see, you come out stronger and you will grow each day with that new feeling where you recognize that you "can do it"! I know you will come out of this awkward situation as a winner. Je t'embrasse bien fort.

Fred said...

With every day and every post I sense greater strength...

Tattie Weasle said...

Grabbing the best of what a day has to offer is pretty awesome a mantra that can only mean you will be living life than letting it live you. Sounds like you had a wonderful few days, here's to many more!

Chris Stovell said...

Berludy hell, you've had a wretched time and yet you've still found some reserves to keep an eye on another little family. Glad you have made time to put something back in the well. Lots of us are thinking of you and wishing you happier times.