Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Goodbye from him..

Last month I celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary, well Ok I didn't celebrate it as there seemed little point when my one true love and best friend of 28 years had found his one true love and new bestus friend and dumped me and our now rather distressed and bewildered children in her favour . Ah well there is nothing quite like being traded in for a new model and being told you are not attractive to make you realize how someone feels about you. honestly some people will do anything to avoid spending money on thier wives. I say wife but I am not sure what I am anymore , I live now in a limboland of non status, Im still his wife but she is" his new partner " which leaves me sort of without a label. I have become the other woman.It is a very bizzarre feeling. I do not even know where he is.

After the divorce I have to return to my maiden name by French law if I ask the judge to very nicely ask my almost ex husband to give me permisison to keep his name and he agrees I can. I think I have had enough humiliation to last me a lifetime so I shall just revert to my own name.

So here I am kids to comfort and build a new life for, a smile plastered on my face and dreams and future plans that we made together smashed under foot . I am not even sure anymore if I was ever loved at all. After so many lies being placed upon lies I have no idea what the truth was if there was in fact any truth there at all, if he ever really loved me at all.

And that I think is perhaps the greatest betrayal, leaving me for always in doubt that I was ever loved at all. It is a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy. But there you have it life as they assure me goes on.


Fred said...

Vent your fury here, rage and rant, it will make you feel much better and allow you to put on that happy face for your wee ones.
Take care

Frances said...

Let me echo what Fred has said.

Having never quite gotten up the courage or whatever to ever say yes to a marriage proposal, I am in no way able to understand what you are enduring.

However, I do know a bit and then some about betrayals, and know that the most painful come from those whom you thought you knew best.

Healing takes time, and might not ever be quite complete (speaking from my own experience.) Still, I also know how much I do value my friends and their ability to always be there to listen to me, particularly when I do not make that much sense.

xo ... I am also a good listener.

Pondside said...

Well, there's no doubt about who's the loser in this drama - your old Mister is in for a rude awakening one day and you'll be long past this the awfulness.
Of course you were loved - and are loved. You have three beautiful proofs (terrible English!) and they love you fiercely! (and so do we)

Tattie Weasle said...

Exactly! Rant and rage here perfect place for it and smile sweetly whenever in his vicinity. You are loved very much.

Fennie said...

What is that phrase about love being as ubiquitous as grass? And of course, each ending is a new beginning. Still, best to think positively about the past, rather than negatively, because you cannot change the past in any respect. But you can change what will happen tomorrow. Something will turn up.
Good luck.

Elizabethd said...

I know, because I've watched you, how amazingly you are weathering this storm, and will go on weathering.

JCnNC said...

I have always felt that betrayal is what leaves us with so very little self worth, and now you must do everything in your power to build that back up. You are so talented and creative and that was not taken from you. This will be your new journey and I wish you a speedy recovery while you learn to live it for yourself and kids. Judy C in NC

Friko said...

Divorce. you can't have a happy marriage without one.

If your marriage lasts for ever, eventually you get to dislike the other person intensely, or worse, you become indifferent. OK, not always, but for most that's true.

Divorce is what it is, it happens to many. It simply means that one alliance has come to an end and a new one may now be entered into. You too will, at some time.

Of course you were loved. Remember those heady early days? Of course they can't last for ever.

Second time round is just as sweet, believe me, I have experience in such matters. It may take a while; for now you are licking your wounds. I wouldn't be quite so keen on the happy visage, rave and rant and swear and threaten him and the cow who ensnared him, scream and shout and wail and beat your chest.

I absolutely promise you, you WILL become bored with the spectacle you're making of yourself and things will simmer down.

Do a divorce blog, why don't you. You can be as foul about him and her as you like and we'll all support you.

cs said...

It was providential that I landed on this blog today through my aimless wandering down the rabbit hole of the intranet. I have been there,in the eerily similar spot in hell. My husband told me on my 50th birthday that he had cheated on me our entire marriage, even the night before our wedding. He wrote in his diary that he never loved me. We too, were married 25 years.
Death and disease would have been more tolerable than what I went through. It has been 6 years now and I survived, barely. Some parts of me are damaged beyond recognition.It's not just losing the husband that is devastating, it altered every last damn social contact, friend, and relationship I had. Many for the worst but the important ones for the better. My grown kids and I are much closer than ever..I met my closest dearest friend in my whole life, (she, brushed off after 40 years) There is a real freedom now in my life without him. Time it takes.I am so sorry for you. You write beautifully. You can garner appreciation through your prose.I heard today that men trade in because they are afraid of death. With a younger chick they can pretend they are younger. Finally, after all these years I realize I am better off without him.
Hang in there.

Pauline said...

I must remember to thank Pondside for sending me here. I've spent ages reading through your previous posts and now feel I know you well enough to suggest you just scroll down to your previous post. Your courage, your cheerfulness and your resolution will see you through. Looking back on the time I was in your position I realize its true.

Chris Stovell said...

Other, wiser heads have said it all, so all I can say is that it's good to see you again.

Norma Murray said...

What a rat, and a fool. I am so sorry. There isn't much else I can say...
love Lampie

bj said...

My first time here..over from Pondside.
So sorry about all this. Life has a way of smacking us in the face sometimes. I don't know what to say other than I know you will be strong for your children and that this unhappiness will pass. Good good luck and many prayers....
xo bj

Cozy Little House said...

I am going through the same and in the midst of a divorce, with both of us still living in the same house. As he will not leave and I have four pets to care for. Come visit my site if you wish. A friend sent me your blog link. I am talking about it, albeit obliquely since he is still here, as well.

Maggie said...

Like bj and Pauline I'm visiting you today for the first time, via Pondside.
I don't know you (yet) but I've read some of your other posts and I may be a bit previous here but I'm sticking my neck out to say "you're going to be o.k.".
He's gone, he's history!
Now you can focus on the important things; yourself and your children.
I believe that the best is yet to come for you all.

Kathryn said...

I'm so sorry. What a rat your estranged husband is...I hope you have a swift journey to a new peace and happiness. In the meantime, I wish I could help...and I'm a total stranger! What a strange place - the blogging world.

Jojo said...

Pondside wrote about your blog and I'm glad she did. My son was dumped three years ago, only the wife kept the children which has been so hard. For him, having to listen to "You weren't a good husband," "I need to find myself," "I don't love you anymore," etc., was hard to handle, especially when she moved right in with her new partner. And your friends are right, life does go on but that doesn't mean that a broken heart feels pain.

mountainear said...

No wise words from here - just best wishes for a smooth passage as you navigate the labyrinth of the days ahead.

toady said...

I've just found you again via another blog. I'm so sorry. It's his loss as I'm sure he'll come to realise.